Fear Of The Unknown!

5 years ago, my life changed for good. I had no idea that change was a painful process when you are given a small amount of time to prepare yourself for it. Unlike others, I had never prepared for the change that was about to happen. I tossed around in my bed hoping this was all a dream.

I changed schools just before I turned 15 and no, I was not excited about the change that was about to happen. My parents assured me that I would be fine as time goes on. I did not believe them because it added more fire to a flame I was trying to put out by myself. Days passed and eventually I moved to my new school. The first week was fine; it was okay for a new student. When the second week came, my tiny little heart shattered to pieces as I stood in front of my deputy principal and the HOD of the senior phase. “We have to do what is right my dear, you will have to go back and redo the grade…” I froze as I digested those words. My mind went from calm to chaotic within seconds of the news this threw me out my tiny little boat. I cried for a week at home while I smiled and waved at school because “HOW IN THE WORLD DOES ONE DO THIS TO ANOTHER? GOD IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. PLEASE FIX THIS, FIX IT BECAUSE IT HURTS TOO MUCH”. Some sort of internal conflict arose within me as I tried to face each day like a soldier. My previous principal was a tough woman, every time I walked into her office I would pray, pray that I find strength to face this hard rock in front of me. When I changed schools, she called my school and told them that I should not be in the grade (10) I am in because the curriculum was not the same. My deputy and HOD spoke to me and told me to go home and think about it or speak to my parents about it. I despised that woman, I did not want to hear her name or see her face or anything that involved her. I know it was not a godly thing to do however, I was furious, I was upset, I was exhausted and I had had enough of it all. I agreed to going back so we would not have any trouble as time went by. There I was, in grade 9 instead of 10 facing the world alone and afraid (that was what I thought). It turned into an amazing 4 years of my life that God used to break me gracefully so. Yes, I did go through a lot within the 4 years however, I am glad God pulled into the school instead of leaving me to fall apart in the previous one.

In my last year of high school, it hit me as I was preparing myself for my Prom (matric dance). I was so comfortable where I was that I did not even notice the war raging on my behalf. I repeated the same process for 3 years. There was no change, no growth and no challenge. I was stuck in a place that was tearing me apart and I did not even notice. Which is the same as life, we get to comfortable with being in the same place because “it feels okay, I am okay, I can breathe, I am alive, and I know these people”. Fear of the unknown will keep you in one place! I was reluctant to move, I told my parents “I am fine where I am why do I need to move? It does not make sense for me to move all”. As time went by it made so much sense that that I was spiritually blind and deaf to see and hear what God was telling and showing me. God knew why he pulled me out and placed me in a different place with a different vibe filled with different people and new opportunities.

Do not let your fears keep you in one place that you are unable to grow. Your regrets will bigger than your opportunities!

- Nasia.L.Sithole